i hope you find what you’re looking for.  and i hope that someday, it’s me.

i’m not really sure why that’s the thought that’s running through my head tonight.  aside from the fact that in a way, it encompasses my heart.  it’s where i hope i’m at.

preparation.  training.  the beginning.

of what?  i’m not sure.  but i just know that this isn’t all.  that this isn’t what it is, ‘just because’.  that there is more to the chaos, a theme to the stories that are being written.  a current of hope beneath the crashing of the waves.

because someday, i want to be that answer.  i want to be that person that you’re chasing.  i want to be that person that you’re looking for.  and someday, i want you to be the person i chase.  the person i’m looking for.  that person that will….

life will never be predictable.  it will never fit into nice little molds, or conform itself to the way we want it to be. but sometimes, we’re lucky enough to capture a glimpse of why we’re here.  of why this is happening.  and we realize that what we are going through is working in us something so much greater.  something that will make this all worth while.

we realize that this cacophony of noise has a Conductor, and as we tune our ear and turn our hearts, the nosie fades and we begin to hear the sweet notes of a symphony.  we see catch glimpses of the Conductor, directing, changing and calling out different sections; woodwinds, brass and strings.  we slowly realize that our part in this symphony is much smaller than we first thought, and at the same time, so much more amazing than we ever dreamed.  we realize that even when we feel the most alone, we’re not.  and even when our heart breaks, that ours isn’t the only one.  and that even when life is its most cruel, and the tears flow freely, that there is still melody in the pain.  that there is healing, right where we’re at.  and that it’s at the darkest parts of our lives that we come to realize that this Conductor knows exactly what He’s doing… and if we only hope…

we will see the dawn.