i hate fear.

i hate it with a passion.  a hatred that is deep.  down inside the most basic parts of who i am.  i hate what fear does, and what it keeps me from doing.  i hate how much i dislike confrontation.  how much my own fear keeps me from pursuing the things i want to.  i hate that i gave in to the fear that i wasnt worthy of this, of pursuing the girl, of joy and happiness and actual life in life.

i hate that there are moments when the fear i feel is so overwhelming i’m almost rendered motionless.  i hate that im terrified of abandonment, of not being good enough, of failing, of not being love-able.

what i hate the most, is that part of me knows that the fear, as real as it seems, isnt the truth.

i could show you my scars.  the scars that lead to each and every fear i have.  i could tell you the depth of the pain, let you see the damage done.  i could share with you the stories of heart-break that ive lived through.  i could easily prove to you why i fear.  and why fear is something i hate.

but what i really want, is to break free.

there.  i said it.

i.  want.  to.  break.  free.

why?  because there is a girl, and she is worth it, because life is worth it.  because  i am worth it.

i’m not sitting on the sidelines any longer.

i may never have all the answers, and i cannot promise to be perfect or love the girl the way she deserves.  but i’m going to try.  i’m going to follow the King who’s name i proclaim.  it means, this means war.

i will trust Him….

i will break free.

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