so much can change in 24 hours, and so much can be uncovered.  in just a moment, dreams can be fulfilled, passions fueled and our wildest imaginations can become reality.  in just a moment, hearts can break.  and we can be left picking up the pieces.

and in just a moment, our lives no longer make as much sense as they once did.

sometimes it takes a moment of heartache to shake lose the paint thats has been crumbling, and allow the failing posts to appear from behind their whitewashed exterior.

i wish it didnt take something harsh to rip away the mask.  that i’d be more willing to allow it to drop and deal with the issues at hand, find healing….

but i’m not.  i much prefer to run around with a hammer, nails and a paint brush and work fervently to keep the crumbling facade in a state of perpetual well-painted disrepair.

i prefer the masks.

because i’m done with the pain.  i’m done dealing with it.  surviving around it, pretending its not there.  my heart is is like the jalopy you’ve had parked in the garage for years, taking up space in hopes that someday in the future you’ll find someone with the knowledge, skills, time and desire to fix what was broken.  and although you’ve tried, you cannot remember the last time it worked, the last time it actually ran.

at some point, you decide that its not worth keeping any longer, that its just easier to start with a clean slate.  you’ve got some boxes that could be stored in the garage, if only you had the room.  you dont see any value in keeping this old car.  it doesnt work and its more rust and holes than metal and paint.  so you make a phone call, and have the old heap towed to the dump.

at some point, you decide your heart isnt worth keeping any longer.  that its just easier not to feel anything.  you’ve got something that resembles a life to live, and the pain that takes your breath away, now just gets in the way of going through those oh-so-important motions.  so you make the decision, that love, that loving, just isnt worth it.  so you banish your heart to the far comers of your existence.  you chose to live as robotic as possible.  you stuff those boxes in and around the holes in your heart, and in time, you forget its there.

you dont go out to the garage anymore.

and it’s not until a fierce storm knocks down a tree and damages the roof of the garage that you’re forced to open the doors, and you’re reacquainted with your heart.  and you realize again how much of a mess everything is.  and how broken everything is.  and you dont honestly see how something this broken can be made whole.

so you patch up the garage, close the door, and move on with your life.  you go through the motions, hoping that the storms of life will bypass your garage and that you wont have to deal with the brokenness that exists inside of your chest.

we can want that, we can hope and pray and pretend that the storms will pass us by.  and if we’re lucky, we’ll live a fair portion of our lives storm free.  but inevitably, storms come.

and its in those moments, when we’re forced to confront who we are, who we’ve become, the decisions we’ve made and the clutter we’ve hidden, that we take our biggest steps.  that our destinies are written, and rewritten.

it’s in those moments that chapters end, and new chapters begin.  that we change.  that we find the courage we never had, and the beauty that existed inside of us all along.

and its in those moments, that we make the decisions that set the course for the rest of our lives.

we either patch up the garage, and go about the motions, or we leave the doors open, and begin the painful process of unpacking our hearts.  of facing the holes, the rust, the stains and the brokenness.    of facing the pain and dealing with it….

even if it means we hurt.

we either continue something that resembles living, or we allow ourselves to be deconstructed, in the hope of one day, finding this thing called life.  in the hope of finding it abundantly.

Future of Forestry – Sanctitatis