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they come in many shapes and sizes. some have bows and others tied with ribbons… some shatter our very existence, and others render a sweet fragrance in our lives… today – i was pleasantly surprised. surprised to learn that one of the bestest people in the world – my big sis – now has her own blog.check it out here:
its a rare and precious gift when you catch a glimpse inside of the very being of someone you love…
so, april – if my words have any impact on who you are… may they be to encourage you to continue to walk with, and follow after, the One your Heart of Hearts beats for…
His will may be confusing, easily misunderstood, and sometimes -to our own understanding- downright wrong. but He promised, more than 2000 years ago. He promised to bring all things together for good. He said to seek first His kingdom… and He’d take care of everything else. He knows all of whats in your heart, because He is holding it very close to His own…
give Him your all april. because truly, the one meant for you, will fall in love with you… for that very reason…
because your all– is continually on His altar.
anyway… those are my thoughts for tonite…
goodnite everyone
it seems that if one looks back on his life and recalls times of victory… and seasons of failure… he can learn things.
i think thats where i find myself this afternoon.
i had a really good week at work. first in a while. and beyond that, a lot of the pressure i was putting on myself to preform has begun to dissapate. thank God….
its interesting to realize tho, that in our times of greatest victory, we are the most vulnerable to attack. it seems that – for me personally – if im not walking through the fire every moment, then during those easier moments, i am most failure prone.
fire forces us closer to the One we follow. when things arent as hot… i sometimes tend to enjoy my ability to run and be free… a lil too much.
i dunno… just what im learning today i guess.
i ended up looking back over some of my blogs from months ago… and i stumbled across something that i had forgotten about…
and i connected with it…. so here it is, updated slightly since the 7 odd months since march 16…
anyway…
if we’re lucky… we spend 80 years or so on this rock we call earth.
most of us breeze through it making the most of the oppurtunities and shying away from all that makes us uncomfortable… or brings us pain.
the few who chose to not run when the fire burns away all they know…
are the ones, who – when you look into their eyes.. you know they’ve looked defeat in the face, and they didnt look away.
they are the ones who are scarred. but they are no longer scared.
they have felt pain – but they’ve learned to not back down.
they know what the enemy can bring… because they’ve fought… and in the end – they’ve won.
someday soon… when you look into my eyes…
you will see that.
you will see someone who looks beyond the present.
someone who can see beyond the whirlwind that surrounds us into the things that lay ahead
my life may not reflect anything right now. but ive learned that our lives aren’t valued by the sum total of its parts.
that about sums up tonite.i was mentioned in nannykates blog… and i think im gonna post my comment to her blog from a few days ago…
simply because im preaching to myself….
“after walking through the fire and being burned beyond recognition, you may have less than you started with. much less. incredibly less than you began your journey with… but what you have now is real – and now that it’s stood the test of the flames, you know – it’s real.”
and the truth thing again, from the unlikely source of sherlock holmes
“….when you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth…..”
so ive gotta ask myself… in all thats failed, in all thats been eliminated, what does remain? ill tell you what remains.
His love for me.
His plan for my life.
His mercry, new every morning.
His anointing and blessing upon my every moment on this planet…
and most importantly… what remains?
Him.
as unlikely, as improbable… He still is there…
im finding myself at a loss for words
and the funny thing is, its ok.
the last thing i need
is to be heard
but to hear – what You would say
….when He had finished, Much-Afraid lifted her face towrd the High Places which were now quite invisible and spoke quietly through the midst. “my Lord, behold me- here i am, in the place Thou didst send me to- doing the thing Thou didst tell me to do, for where Thou diest, will i die, and there will i be bured: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me”
if doubt and fatiuth walk hand in hand, then i am definetly leaning towards the doubt side today….
we’re told… that our standing with God has nothing to do with our abilities… and everything to do with His unending love for us.
we’re told… that our lives are nothing without Him… and everything with Him.
we’re told… that if we give it our best and let Him handle the rest… that He will bring good out of it.
we’re told… that a worker is worth his wages….
we’re told so much – and all i can do is ask
where is it? where is the fulfilment of what we’ve been told?
i had a meeting with my boss today – as you probably can tell, it didnt go all that well.
i sit here wondering, questioning… what else can i do? what else can i give? how much harder can i try?
if this road we walk is indeed something unknown. and if each nite is a canvas. a -gift- so to speak. then tonite, i paint with my tears…
“Bottom line is, even if you see ’em coming, you’re not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless?
Puppets?
No.
The big moments are gonna come. You can’t help that. It’s what you do afterwards that counts. That’s when you find out who you are. You’ll see what I mean.”
-Whistler
my quote to end the nite
a very long day.
and ya know what? i think im gonna let things rest here tonite. for now – i need to take off my running shoes and realize the race will be there tomorrow. even if all i see is the next few moments of blacktop – the race will still be there tomorrow.
so for this nite… and this moment…
and to those of you who have posted to my blog recently – ys and me – thank you. and goodnite
this night is a canvas. blank and empty. im no good with paints, my colors never match, and i’ve never created a “work of art”. i have no skill to create anything beautiful… all i have is this canvas, it will only be with me tonite. so i will do my best. its not for you, its not even for me. this night is a gift.
our lives will forever be defined by the choices we make. a life lived without choosing – a life without risk… is a life unlived.
i find myself tonite with my thoughts going in about 10,000 different directions. im very tired yet brutally awake…
emotions are – high – for some reason…
i guess in this life we will always have people whom we connect with…
people who we alike ourselves too….
heros, our role models, those we hope to be like… those who seemingly triumphed in horrid situations…
those who fight not only the demons of this life, but also the demons in their own heart…
those who will walk the road laid before them… do the tasks required… and allow themselves to be broken.
those who know they are called. know their utter inadequate of the calling on their life…
and they’re yet willing – to fail..
to be made a fool of…
to lose friends and loved ones…
those willing to be who they are called to be… those…
those destined to fulfill their calling.
they are the chosen ones.
ones who lay aside all else to press on for the mark of the Higher calling…
this is who i want to be. this is my passion… this is what my heart beats for…. i know now more than ever that very little in this life is permanent… and yet, for this life – its all we have. this is me
so – i am going to continue to fight my demons and the demons of this world… and keep walking.
im not sure what im saying in all this… except…
You changed my world
when You came to me
You drove a passion
in my soul down deep
Lord, to follow You in everything
I dont want to go somewhere
if i know that You’re not there
cuz i know that me without You
is a lie
And i dont wanna walk that road
be a million miles from home
cuz my heart needs to be where You are
so i dont wanna go
this life, no matter what we do… will always continually give us choices to make.
earlier tonite i walked into a consequence of choices ive made…
and i learned something about myself.
i accepted what had happened. i accepted the circumstance, the consequence of my choice…. and im allowing myself to deal with it.
i may not be able to accept it with joy yet… but im growing. im changing. im not who i was yesterday and i wont be the same tomorrow.
ive said it before, and ill say it again…
i may not like the road i am on… but im learning even more so, that its not the destination…
its the journey. tomorrow… is important… but most important – is now…
so to those of you who impact me… who i consider friends. who love me for who i am…
and to those i trust….
thank you…
for being now
you’ll never fully understand how much it means to me
FindingTheCourageToDream.com 