You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘The Soundtrack’ category.
my thoughts for this week – so far – are summed up in this single phrase. im waiting. simply waiting.
i had an interesting conversation earlier today. more things had come to light.
so… yeah, im not gonna say much else tonite. im just waiting. for my…. defining moment.
looks like rain / fell off the horse again / and I curse the selfish pride that came before
feels like rain / this melancholy mood I’m in / as I watch the empty glass that’s landing on the floor
sweet Jesus hold us when we’re hurting / and lost, let us find your way
cause we all feel the pain / we’re all waiting for the day / while the here and now keeps dragging on / and we all hide away / under canopies of grace / to keep us on the rainy days / they will keep us on the rainy days
looks like rain / can’t find my faith again / and I’m sure I had it not an hour ago / feels like rain / I’m falling sideways with the wind / all the while believing I am not alone
sweet Jesus hold us when we’re hurting / and lost, let us find your way
cause we all feel the pain / we’re all waiting for the day / while the here and now keeps dragging on / and we all hide away / under canopies of grace / to keep us on the rainy days / they will keep us on the rainy days
with a sigh i greet the day
i feel the morning on my face
weary at the moment i awake
even as i lie
the thought returns to mind
“welcome to the rest of your life”.
somewhere i’ve lost my way
from saved to stray and failing
in silence my spirit pleads,
“is the vision lost
or has it been passed on?
is there any use continuing?”
his faithfulness, my hope
it brings comfort to my soul
with a still small voice whispering,
“call upon my name and i
will set you up on high
be still and know that i am God
creation speaks to me
i’m stricken to my knees
in reverance and fear
forever my Almighty
the heavens in your hand
surpass the grains of sand
who am i before you?
elieonai eli adullam
ok…one more thing…and then i crash
Man versus himself. Man versus machine. Man versus the world. mankind versus me. The struggles go on, the wisdom I lack, the burdens keep piling up on my back. So hard to breathe, to take the next step. The mountains is high, I wait in the depths. Yearning for grace, and hoping for peace. Dear God… increase. Healing hands of God have mercy on our unclean souls once again. Jesus Christ, light of the world burning bright within our hearts forever. Freedom means love without condition, a beginning or an end. Here’s my heart, let it be forever Yours, only you can make every new day seem so new.
i dont really have much to put down tonite… long day. and i do have lots on my mind… just things that, as ive said before…i need to say to specific people… but i will leave you with my song of the moment/day/whatever.
if a song is a snapshot… then this is a picture of where im at… the picture may not be clear and it may not be focused properly… but hey… its me. its this specific moment in this life i think im living.
goodnite all…i leave you with – dandelions
In a field of yellow flowers,
underneath the sun,
bluest eyes that spark with lightning,
boy with shoes undone.
He is young, so full of hope,
reveling in tiny dreams,
filling up, his arms with flowers,
right for giving any queen.
Running to her beaming bright,
while cradling his prize.
A flickering of yellow light,
within his mother*s eyes.
She holds them to her heart,
keeping them where they*ll be safe,
clasped within her very marrow,
dandelions in a vase.
She sees love, where anyone else would see weeds.
all hope is found. Here is everything he needs.
Fathomless your endless mercy, weight I could not lift.
Where do I fit in this puzzle, what good are these gifts?
Not a martyr, or a saint,
scarcely can I struggle through.
All that I have ever wanted, was to give my best to you.
Lord, search my heart, create in me something clean.
Dandelions
you see flowers in these weeds.
Gently lifting hands to heaven,
softened by the sweetest hush,
a Father sings over his children,
loving them so very much.
More than words could warrant,
deeper than the darkest blue,
more than sacrifice could merit,
Lord, I give my heart to you.
i spent the evening at a viewing for a little girl.
ive got no words… ive got nothing i can explain or figure out…
all i have… that i can put down on paper… is this song
so its what i leave you with tonite…
i said goodbye to a 7year old girl tonite.
7… thing about that – and realize your life may not be that bad….
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there’s always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
as much as i can, i believe ive begun the steps neccessary to keep my life from completely falling apart.
thanks to the help and support of one specific friend, ive begun seeking out a counselor.
i ended up having my weekly preformance meeting with my boss on tuesday. and… its not really a good thing – when ones first week on the job was the best.
my 3 month review is right around the corner, and i havent exactly ‘bested’ my first week yet. and the 3 month mark is where they basically decide if they feel its beneficial to keep you employeed.
i hadnt realized until i started talkin with him (my boss) how much the circumstances of my life had impacted my ability to simply focus. so yeah, my job is probably in jeapordy right now….
hence the decision (with some major support from a friend) to seek out the help i need.
so many battles lost… but hopefully, not the war.
and tomorrow is another day
and im thirsty anyway….
so bring on the rain.
well, i should be getting to bed.
so if you’re out their reading this somewhere in this wide wide world. and you happen to understand the meaning of ‘lil sparrow’….. beyond all the crap that this life brings… i wanted you to know i still love you.
goodnite from this life i think im living.
tonite, as i continued down this road i think im living…
i rediscovered a part of my being that had long ago been broken off.
exactly what it is – or where it goes…or how to put it back on?
im not sure
but… as a very tentative step in the (hopefully) right direction…
its in His hands.
Lord take from me my life when i dont have the strength to give it away to you. please take from me my life… when i dont have the strength to give it away to you
on a side note.. a friend of mine was moving out of her apartment last week and found something she’d lost a while ago.
about a year ago she had 3 pet newts… two of them escaped. never to be seen again.
until last week, when the mumified body of one of the newts was discovered imbeded in a blanket in her closet.
yeah…fun thought to sleep with.
oh yeah. this life i think im living still sucks sometimes. im begining to wonder why i continue on this road of truth.
am i cynical tonite? yeah. am im sarcastic? yup. bitter? that too.
do i care? yeah….
im lost and confused.
im twenty two years old…
and all i see – it could never make me happy
and all my sandcastles spend their time collapsing
let me know youre near me. let me know your touch.
let me know that you love me and let that be enough.
gnite
i could live life alone
never fill the longings of my heart
the healing warmth of someones arms
and i could live without dreams
and never know the thrill of what could be
with every star so far and out of reach
i could live without many things
and i could carry on
but i couldnt face my life tomorrow
without Your holding my heart
i know i cant live a day without You
theres no night and theres no morning
without Your loving arms to hold me
You’re the heartbeat of all i do
i cant live a day without You
i could travel the world
see all the wonders beautiful and new
they’d only make me think of You
and i could have all life offers
riches that were far beyond compare
to grant my every wish without a care
i could do anything
but if You weren’t in it all
i couldnt face my life tomorrow
without Your holdling my heart i know
i cant live a day without You
theres no nite and theres no morning
without your loving arms to hold me
You’re the heartbeat of all i do
i cant live a day without You
oh Jesus
i live beacuse You live
You’re like the air i breathe
oh Jesus
i have because You give
Your’re everything to me
i couldnt face my life tomorrow
without Your holding my heart i know
You’re the heartbeat of all i do
i cant live a day without You
from what i can see, this entire life revolves around one thing.
one thing – with one main characteristic. but many names.
loss… death… destruction…
all we try and strive to obtain. all we hope and long to have. all this world revers and wars to own. all we hold dear. its nothing. we gain it all. we work. we strive. we yearn for things that will ultimately leave us. nothing we strive for on this planet can ever be fulfilling enough to make us feel complete.
we watch tv to escape our reality. but the big thing right now is reality tv. if i wanted to watch the broken hearts of people who’ve lost a friend. a loved one… i dont need to tune in to ER. i just need to look up. look at my buddy list.
ive such a desire to just blog my heart out here. to end up spilling the last 7 months to this little box on my desk thats become one of my bestest friends. i want to release it all. to know what it feels like to be alive again. to love. to feel. to hope. to yearn. to strive for something beyond what i see.
this is it. this –right here– encompasses what ive been feeling the past few months.
im sick of it.
im sick of living… for myself.
i want be a sanctuary
pure and holy
tried and true
i want to live for something more.
all i once held dear – built my life upon
all this world revers and wars to own
all i once thought gain i have counted loss
spent and worthless now compared to this.
all the wasted years
all the many tears ive cried
trying to fill my life
tryin to bring some peace to my mind
never really knowing it was you i was longing for
till you opened my heart
and i tasted of you
now all i want is more….
its the cry of this generation
for we’re tired of the religions of man
now we are consumed
by a desire to be close to you
and the passions of this world
have nothing we’re looking for
blessed is the generation whos God is the Lord
are hearts are completely yours
ive said many times that this life i think im living isnt mine. from now on, i dont want to live it for me anymore.
– nite
FindingTheCourageToDream.com 