“Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him.”
-Simone Weil
no thoughts. just a good quote.
more later tonite
WOO-STINKIN-HOO.
i have comments!
lets do a contest. the first person to leave me a comment will win the honor…
of being the first person to leave me a comment!
woohoo!
ok.
to answer vals question – the company that was askin for a ton of time for zero pay was some advertising and marketing company. i dont even know there name. they never told it to me. and the feeling you got when you walked into their “offices” was somthing akin to walking into a drug dealers wharehouse. akin to knowing that you could show up for work one day – and everything is GONE. the whole place is empty…
and just for the record
i have seen Startwars Ep. 1. i know what a padawan is. and i was just being a dork eariler. a good dork:-)
ok. off to get the rest of my day going
until next time
have a wonderful day!
after talkin with a friend from cali, i was reminded of something i came up with.
its my own way of explaining how men and women differ
men – are like coffee makers. you put in coffee – you put in water… you flick a switch… poof, coffee
we do one thing, and we do it well.
women.. are like espresso makers. insanely confusing and thousands of possible ways to mess things up
if you act stupidly….
hehehe:-)
thanks randy🙂
welcome to the 2am news.
our top story tonite – pj deftly doged a completely wasted day by calling and cancelling an interview today. the company he was to interview with (whom authorities have asked to remain anonymous) was asking for 50-60 hours of work a week for only $20,000 a year. and the interview was to last 8 hours. our sources tell us that around 9:45 this morning, PJ called and politely cancelled.
in other work related news, PJ has a interview with another unnamed company tomorrow. and he also must return the call of yet another corporation…
now on to entertainment news: i hate to say it – but NBC now stands for “nothing but crap”…. the once “must see” king of thursday nites has fallen prey to a group of 20something actors demanding a million-freakin-dollars PER EPISDOE for some really horrid acting and screenwriting. and the former top show, NBCs “er” dropped outta the “best show” category like a fat kid in dodgeball. somehow – the wonderful writers decided that people didnt want an incredible TV show, they wanted another soap opera. well, not to ruin what happened, but Doc Greens tumor is back, hes havin trouble with his second wife and some guy decided to light up while working in his fume infested garage and obviously turned himself into a human grill… oh well. on to better shows like CSI:-)
and now – our
Top 5 Things that happened today
5. Val mentioned me in her blog today!
4. She called me a padawan. WooHoo… now, what exactly that means… ill never know.
3. Two words – Cof Fee
2. Two words – Cof Fee
1. Two Words – Mt. Dew
1. watched friends with friends:-)
hey, its my blog… so if i want two “1”s – i can do it.
and yeah, to wrap the evening up. im listening to lifehouse right now. seems to be the band of the moment. nothin really deep to say tonite.
well, one thing.
i would never have asked to be alive in this time had i known the hell i would go through – but now, looking back and yeah… maybe even forward… i wouldnt trade this moment… these days… or this life – for all the money in the world.
i may not have all the ansewrs… but no one does. im just gonna keep walking…
thanks for listening… and yeah… ill talk to you again…
until the next installment of the life i think im living
nite
ended up reading Vals blog before i started to type. i was tempted for a moment – to steal her song for my song of the day, but then i realized… pissing off a PMSing woman is about as inteligent as walking into a lion cage wearing “meat” scented cologne… not the greatest analogy, but what do you expect @ 2:30am?
this being the second time ive tried posting this.. im probably going to be brief. just a few thoughts on circumstances and such that ive been mulling over.
ive spent the last few days realizing how much my heart is wrapped around… and beats for… bethel. it may sound childish… and honestly – thats the best description i can come up with as to how i feel. in awe, amazed… child like. that hey – i spent some of today doing whatever it was i could to help out… in the house He chooses to live in.
i dont have ‘career goals’. i dont have ‘plans for retirement’. i just want to be with Him.
and i honestly dont know if thats an ok thing anymore. simply because, i dont want a job where i cant give everything i am too it. i dont want to sell insureance… or advertising. those are both great things… but they will never fulfill me. never.
i just want to do something i can pour all of who i am into. knowing that i did everything in my power to better this life i think im living…
i dunno – maybe im totally wrong.
until next time
not a word was heard at the tomb that day. just shuffling soldiers feet as they guarded the grave. 1 day 2 days 3 days had past. could it be that Jesus breathed his last? could it be that His father had forsaken Him? turned His back on His son, despising our sin? all hell seemd to whipser “just forget it, He’s dead”
then the Father looked down at His son and said
Arise My Love
Arise My Love
the grave no longer has a hold on you
No more deaths sting
No more suffering
Arise, Arise My Love!
the earth trembled and the tomb began to shake. and like lightening from heaven, the stone was rolled away. and as dead men – the guards – they all stood there in fright.
as the Power of Love displayed its might. then suddenly a melody filled the air. riding wings of wind -it was everywhere. the words all creation had been longing to hear,
the sweet sounds of VICTORY so loud and clear.
Arise My Love
Arise My Love
the grave no longer has a hold on you
No more deaths sting
No more suffering
Arise, Arise My Love
sin – where are your shackels?
death – where is your sting?
hell – has been defeated.
the grave could not hold the King.
Arise My Love
Arise My Love
the grave no longer has a hold on you
No more deaths sting
No more suffering
Arise, Arise My Love
my song of the Moment
“newsong” and -Arise My Love.
this song encompasses all i stand for. all i believe in. all that i feel has any “worth” in all of who i am.
and – it holds all that matters.
and in other news – i watched a lil bit of the “tonite show” this evening. Josh Hartnett was on. star of the MUST SEE moive “black hawk down”. although, to my disdain – he wasnt there to promote the wonderful piece of cinematography that was Black Hawk Down. he was promoting his new slime fest – 40 days and 40 nites. a movie in which he plays a young man who takes a vow during Lent to abstain from all forms of sexual pleasuring. be it sex – or self pleasuring. interesting idea for a movie. and just as pathetic.
ladies, for a man to prove himself – abstaining from sex shouldnt be a challenge. it should be something that he doesnt break a sweat over. not that im an expert in either field. but ill save you my rantings on this.
i will leave you with one more thought.
friendship – sometimes means not being there.
think about it
until the next installment from the life i think im living….
nite
sometimes, all it takes to be inspired is a moment in time spent realizing that you’re not the only one going through hell.
sometimes, that moment of inspiration isnt anything deep or spectacular. just a realization that you’re not totally alone. their are other people on this road your walking. even when, as a wise woman once said, there arent any roadmaps when you forge your own trail… we still have people… or even one person – who cares about us enough to be real with us.
sometimes, that one person… is God.
im not 100% sure where im headin with this.
i may not be headed anywhere.
Lord take me, from this place
into a world that has no time
no hurries
no worries
gladly i leave it them all behind
i am letting go
im drawing near
i wanna sing
i wanna fly
i wanna see from Your side of the sky
i wanna love
i wanna stay
wanna be close to You
long after the music fades
Lord, i come to give You
much more than just a melody
please take me
and break me
right now -God- i dont want to leave
unchanged
i never want to be the same
i wanna sing
i wanna fly
i wanna see from Your side of the sky
i wanna love
i wanna stay
wanna be close to you
long after the music fades
You are mighty,
awesome
righteous
gracious
knowing
in me – overflowing
father
teacher
master
leader
jealous
loving
you are
thats become my new creed. i wanna sing / i wanna fly / i wanna see from Your side of the sky / i wanna love / i wanna stay / wanna be close to you / long after the music fades He is life, He is Love, He is everything Im needing.
my mind is running 100 different directions right now. im wishing i knew a method of releasing built up frustrations and anger… and at the same time – im thinkin about the quote in my earlier blog. maybe i do have some thoughts on it.
the quote can be taken @ least 2 ways. in the end, we will remember the silence of our friends. silence can be a bad thing – when our friends should have stood up and said something. or it can be a good thing. when – in an ultimate display of wisdom- your friends hold their tounges and offer friendship and love in the simplest form known to man. just “being there”.
ok. im going to stop allowing myself to stress over all the crap in my head – wishing i could get it on paper… and im just gonna crash.
nite
i pulled this off of an IM profile. it kinda struck me.
no in-depth thoughts on it though.
i think it speaks for itself
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies,
but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968)
all he wanted to do was go home….
“the practice” isnt normally a show i watch. but i had just come home and taken a shower. i was cold and wanted to disappear into a tv show. so it was either “the practice” or the -over-the-top- pagentry of the closing cermonies of the Olympics. so yeah, “the practice” won hands down… (dont get me wrong, ive loved watching the olympics. skeleton is now by far one of the coolest things ive seen. 80mph, no way to steer… your face 3 inches from a sheet of solid ice:-) fun stuff) anyway..
the practice… the whole reason i started blogging… so here goes
todays episode dealt with a man who was obviously mentally not well. he believed he was superman. and after living in an institution for 5 years, his wife (who was not able to care for him the way he needed) finally felt she had to move on. so she told him she was divorcing him. so… “superman” decides to follow her home by “flying”. so he hops out a 3 story window and kills an account that he lands on. never once, not believing with all he was that he was “superman”.
not to drag out a really twisted courtroom drama or anything… the show ends with him… balling his eyes out. because he is not able to understand why he cant just “go home” with his “lois lane”. his world revolved around the woman who was leaving him and he couldnt understand why.
which brought back a memory of a long time ago. summer of 97 i volunteered as a daycamp counselor @ my churches daycamp. being the leader of a group of 12 year old boys – we – once a week would particpate in a “giving back to the community” endevaour.
one of these trips, all of the oldest kids (mine included) visited a nursing home for a few hours to provide company and encouragement to anyone we could. all in all, a wonderful idea and a really cool trip.
and i would have loved to mingle with the older folks, but i was selected…it seems.. by an older woman who was obviously dealing with some memory loss. she was new to the nursing home. and dealing with ALS i think. she coulndt – for the life of her – figure out why she couldnt go home. thats all she wanted… just to – go home. to her husband and kids. she couldnt remember that her husband had long since passed.
so i spent 2 hours in a nursing home with a very scared and very fragile 80something year old woman clinging to my arm… wanting to know why she couldnt go “home”.
i know. a long and almost pointless blog. i remember walking out of the nursing home feeling very bad for the lady whom i had met. i couldnt relate to the overwhelming desire of not being “home”. of not laying your head down on your own pillow. in the house you grew up in -or in her case – had a family in.
i can now.
ok. changing gears completely.
todays song of the day –
lifehouse – simon
refuse to feel
anything at all
refuse to slip
refuse to fall
can’t be weak
can’t stand still
watch your back
’cause no one will
and another switch
todays phrase of the day (it can be more than one word because i said so. so there:-P) is… (stealing again from vals blog) SFX DRUMROLL SFX
unresolved issues
my wonderful friend, websters, defines “issues” as: a matter that is in dispute between two or more parties: a vital or unsettled matter. or – in a state of controversy : in disagreement.
for a guy who likes to have his bigger ducks – in a row.. going to bed knowing that nothing has been resolved, is a hard thing to do. or maybe.. id just like to be able to fix everything ive messed up.
i guess that that is just as impossible
inadequate as i am. i cant be anything else. not successfully. and the only chance of success i do have – is to be me.
so… until tomorrow morning.
goodnite all
6 hours till church. and yeah, im definetly feeling stripped of everything. hopefully, when i come home tomorrow, ill be a better – and less burdend 22 year old guy.
nothing much for tonite. have a wonderful evening all:-)
and hey.. if you enjoy reading… or just wanna say hi
email me
psweene1@rochester.rr.com
nite
FindingTheCourageToDream.com 