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there is something that brings both relief and rest in letting go. in coming to the conclusion that you cannot change what you want to see changed. that as much as we strive for and try to seem in control, as hard as we work to keep up the front of everything being ‘ok’, we are just as much in need of rescue as the next person.
maybe it’s something you’re dealing with internally like a challenge or hurt or personality trait that you cannot overcome on your own. maybe its something external; a situation or problem you’re facing at work, or with a friend or family member.
whatever it is, i’m slowly learning that we dont truly understand the power of this thing called grace until we finally let go. and we verbalize what’s going on. we tell someone we trust, we’re honest about it, and suddenly, it loses some of its power. because someone else knows. someone else, with a different perspective, who will be there, and pray for us. and point us to the One who promised to never leave us.
so maybe thats where i find myself tonight. no, let me correct that. that is where i find myself tonight. i am dealing with internal hurts and personality traits i cannot overcome. and im dealing with a challenge at work that honestly has me concerned. i know, we dont like to admit when something makes us nervous. but this does. this makes me nervous.
we all need these reminders. reminders of things bigger than me. reminders of the calling placed on our lives for a life bigger than me. we all need to be reminded that this isnt the end. that one situation, one challenge doesnt end our story. we all need to be reminded that grace exists. we all need to be reminded that the great chasm we sense at times, has already been bridged. we all need to be reminded that we werent made to worry, that we were given this life to live to point to the One who gives life.
we all need to be reminded that on the roads we walk, we all need grace. that no matter how much we have it together, we all need mercy and kindness and love.
so this is me, being honest about where im at. that im stuck and that im in need of resuce.
this is me, doing my best, and asking for help in letting go.
You alone can rescue
You alone can save
You alone can lift us from the grave
You came down to find us
lead us out of death
to You alone belongs the highest praise
lyrics from Delirious’s song White Ribbon Day. and yet for some reason, so much more to me.
why is it that i lose sight of that? why is it that in the busy have-to’s, the crazy requirements at work, the stress of a never ending day and all the other things we just need to get done, i lose sight of that simple truth. of that simple foundation piece.
why is it that im so quick to judge that driver in traffic and so quick to forget that i am in as much need of grace as He is? why do i try so hard to be the ‘leader’ and forget so quickly that the One who is leading me, lead by serving?
this One i follow, the Prince of Peace, the author of my story, He came 2000 years ago and promised a peace not as the world knows it but a peace that passes all understanding. why is it so easy to step out from under that and worry about our futures? or our (my) jobs? why do we chose to ignore the promises He gave us to provide for us always and instead fret what tomorrow may bring?
if He is who He says He is, then He knows tomorrow already. and if He is who He says He is, then He knows what’s best for you, not only today and tomorrow, but for every tomorrow you will face.
if you’re honest with yourself tonight, if i’m honest tonight, there would be stories we could tell… stories where we know He came through for us. moments in time that you can point to without question and share about how you shouldnt have lived through that. or about how i shouldnt be alive today.
the point is, you have a story. He’s come through for you in the past. and He will again. He promised.
so we stand, saved by His blood. and we trust in the One who is writing our stories.
i would never have guessed that in the closing months of my 29th year on this planet, these would be the circumstances that surround me. i would never have guessed the changes, the upheaval, the pain and loss, and joy and freedom that the previous 29 years would have brought.
i would never have imagined that this is where i would be.
would i have chosen these roads? this path? would i, being given the vision of my, of this future, have chosen the same road that i was asked to walk? probably not.
but that only means one thing. it means that im not as wise as i want to be. that there are bigger things at play here than i comprehend. and that even after all ive seen, all ive done, and all ive come from, that there is still a rescuer out there. that He rescued me. and that He’ll be there when i need rescuing again.
so as i stand, looking at the final few months of my 20’s, i dont fear. i may not have chosen these roads, but ive walked them.
and as i step into 2010….
i will chose to hold the hand of the one who has brought me this far.
Father let my heart be after you…
wow.
Flyleaf – “Again” video
Philippines, Sumatra and Samoa – my heart, our hearts are with you….
Let the songs i sing
Bring joy to you
Let the words i say profess my love
Let the notes i choose
Be your favorite tune
and Father let my heart
be after you
and sometimes, the understanding you so wish would come remains hidden under a cloak of mystery. and the dreams and visions you carry encompasses it, cover it, keeping it outside of your grasp or understanding…..
someone once wrote words that came from a heart i almost believe was much like mine. questioning, fearful, confused, ultimately – human.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
as this new week starts, that’s the hope i cling to. that no matter what may come my way, it is temporal. and the One who is eternal, is holding me in the palm of His hands. and the amazing thing, is that He holds you too.
no matter what you’re going through, or where you find yourself tonight, He is there.
and He will hold you too.
forgive me for the times when i took upon myself the successes You have given
so many reasons run through my mind right now as to why i waited so long to finish this journey. so many thoughts, excuses, questions.
i had hoped that at the end of the first 30 days, there would be some answers. or a new perspective. or a deeper understanding of, well, everything. or more accurately, a few small things.
here i am though, many days removed from what was actually day 30 and i dont think i’ve achieved any of those goals. and im forced to ask if that means i’m a failure, or if it means something else. something so infinitely simple, it’s almost laughable.
maybe i spent the last thirty days simply re-learning the simple truth of how much i have to be thankful for. maybe that is what this whole journey was about. maybe, just maybe, thats what this whole journey is about. being aware of the people, moments, conversations, interruptions and tangents that bring color to an otherwise colorless existence. being aware, and being thankful.
maybe i was simply supposed to learn to be thankful.
so tonight, i am thankful. for the journey drawing to a close, and for the new one starting. i am thankful for tangents, relationships, friends, family, conversations, interruptions and journeys that make life…. alive.
to close, i am thankful for rescue.
because i was rescued. because there is a Rescuer. and because He wants to rescue you too.
simple. honest. the yearning of my heart.
Matt Redman – When All Is Said and Done
life’s too short to be lukewarm
this i know
this i know
Jesus, you can have it all
my every breath
my every breath
i need your power to live this life
this i know
this i know
i cant do this by myself
you’re Christ in me
my only hope
my only hope
as i walk this broken world
tune my life to heavens song
for i am yours
and when all is said and done
tune my life to heavens song
forevermore
forevermore
i need your powert to live this life
this i know
this i know
no i cant do this by myself
youre christ in me
my only hope
my only hope
as i walk this broken world
tune my life to heavens song
for i am yours
and when all is said and done
tune my life to heavens song
forevermore
forevermore
i know, i know – i’ve slacked in my quest with thirty days of thankfulness. to be honest, it’s not because i’m not thankful. it’s not. some of it is forgetfulness on my part, and some of it is sheer willpower, or the lack thereof. either way, i’m not quiting. and i’m contemplating extending this to fourty days.
we’ll see:-).
i will tell you that as we draw so close to the end of this journey (as today is day 29), i know there is still a work to be done in me. i know that i’m far from complete and that the roads i’ve been asked to walk as are as much for me to be changed as they are for me to impact change.
today, i am thankful for
mistakes. for making them. and realizing that i’m making them while i’m doing it. i’m thankful that i live under Grace. and that even in the midst of stupid, self centered decisions, there is mercy. there may not be excuses, and i need to own up to the decisions i make, but there is mercy. thank God for mercy.
answered prayers. be it a 6 month review that puts a lot of my concerns to rest, or surgery on a loved one that went much better than it could have, i am thankful for answered prayers.
challenges. i dont know if i’ve mentioned that before, but i am thankful for challenges. although, when you’re walking through them, it’s not always something you look at and express thankfulness about:-). i’m currently reading who moved my cheese and it’s opening my eyes to the proper way to handle change.
kate. if you’ve not had the pleasure to know kate, you’re missing out. i remember the first time i met her; she was goofy, fun, vibrant, beautiful and full of life. not to mention the smart glasses…. those were what won me over:-). in the years i’ve been blessed to know her, she has challenged, blessed, inspired, encouraged and been a light to my life in more ways than i could possibly mention. our stories are somewhat similar. and knowing that there is someone out there who has walked some of the roads i too must walk…. well, sometimes it just means everything. i am thankful for her, and to her. and i am thrilled for her and her super lucky man:-).
worries. i’m not exactly thankful for my worries as much as i am thankful for the chances to learn, and relearn to trust in the One who has called me by His name. who has called me, called us all to not worry about our life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
“Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
family. because they simply rock.
second chances. i think that speaks for itself.
FindingTheCourageToDream.com 