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“Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you’re never ready for big moments. No one asked for their life to change, not really, but it does. So what are we helpless, puppets? No, the big moments are going to come, you can’t help that. It’s what you do afterwards that counts. That’s when you find out who you really are. You’ll see what I mean.”
-whistler
its coming.
i dont know when.
i dont know what…
but war is coming.
it takes more courage to suffer than to die….
bring it on.
sometimes it takes all we have to simply love someone the way we’re called too.one of the hardest things to do in this world is to love someone….. from afar. knowing full well that your love may never… ever be reciprocated. knowing that your calling in their life may be for nothing more than to love from a distance. never able to fully express how much you love them… or how much…. how desperate you are, to simply share all you are with them…
its a pain that can’t be described… its an ache deep in your soul. that will never be quenched. its the deepest longings of the heart…
that are left unfulfilled.
so maybe i havent given up yet… but im beginning to ask myself if its time to move on.
im begining to question wether or not im stuck in my own little dream-bubble. hoping -against all hope- that my dream would come true…
and restoration will come.
i dont know.
im searching. i know of no other term to use….
i dont know what to do… and im desperate for guidance…
ive been wondering over the course of the past 3 weeks… if im getting a small glimpse of what the Father feels towards his children… when He cant fully express His love…
im not sure…
all i know to do…
Lord help… help me please.
not ashamed to be helpless hiding at the feet of the Lamb who died
and made a way where there was no way
don’t care if they call me crazy
i need You like the air im breathing
and wherever You are i never will be far away
its a funny thing, isnt it. romance that is. at the very moment when you’ve given up on ever finding it…
it simply walks into your life like it was always there.i’d be careful if i was you, or you may miss it. for you see, romance can form in unexpected places… and in unexpected persons.
i say all that to simply say this…
i havent given up. not yet.
i choose to believe that there is someone out there…
someone who, when she speaks… my world stops turning. when she looks at me, i realize my world is a much smaller place… because i see my future in her eyes… someone who makes me want to be a better man…
i havent given up…. not yet.
and sometimes it takes nearly losing your wings for you to realize how precious this life is…
and how precious are the rare butterflies that you’re blessed to see….
thank you.
why?
sometimes you’ve got to let go of your rights… to realize how wrong you’ve been.sometimes you’ve got to let everything go… to realize how precious are the things you’ve been given.
sometimes you need someone to be there… and sometimes, no one is.
i miss kate. i miss seeing her posts on my blog. i miss knowing that there is SOMEONE else out there who’s lived through what im walking through…
ive been a fool. ive harboured feelings of hurt, betrayal, anger and pain for the past 2.5 years. and i was wrong. im sorry. to the person who im adressing right now… i owe you an enourmous apology. my own feelings kept me from being the type of friend you needed during some of the worst storms of your life. i realize that now. and i am sorry. so sorry.
dont leave….
ok, ill admit it. its not easy. in fact, it sometimes takes every ounce of who i am to reach out and extend my trust… my willingness to be open… my desire to love… and be loved. its exhausting actually..
dont leave….
im trying so hard to decipher the part of “me” that is greedy and screams “its all about me” and the part of “me” that just honestly says…. “ive lost enough. honestly, ive lost everyone… and i dont want to lose anymore”
dont leave….
im not strong. i know that. ive tried for so long to simply walk this path alone. and ive realized i cant.
dont leave….
i dont know what i did to cause this. im trying to understand. im trying to learn from whatever mistakes i made to bring this all to pass.
dont leave….
but you know what? what ive worked so hard for these past 2 and a half years… ive tried to forget you…. ive tried to stop missing you. ive tried to logically do something to stop feeling the ache when you left. and the tears falling now, testify to the fact that im a complete failure.
dont lea… wait – its ok. you can leave. God be with you.
this is it. i didnt know i needed to come to this place… and of all days – today… but you’re not mine to protect. you are your own person. and beyond that, you’ve got your own life to live. so go, live it fully. may the memories of times we spent together bring you joy… and the knowing that wherever you go, you deserve to be treated like a princess… like a daughter of the King.
i pray He brings into your life people who will support you… be with you through thick and thin. people who will let you be you and love you completely and unconditionally. i pray He brings people into your life who make you happy… and ultimately, complete you.
its no longer the fact that “i miss you” or i want you back in my life…. those things dont matter… and in all honesty, they never did… i should have surrendered those feelings – and you – long ago.
am i afraid of you leaving my life? yes… but fear and freedom will never coexist.
so go. take flight in this world and never look back. and im sorry, for ever being someone who boxed you in.
you’re worthy of all the love anyone could ever pour into you… and i pray you find that.
be free.
every now and then, one must recognize someone who has spoken words into there life…. and simply say thank you.
thank you for the words below. thank you for the friendship.
raw emotions are a rare and coveted thing. thank you for the brutal honesty of your heart… showing the rest of us, that our hearts haven’t really been beating at all….. so many of us have not really been living, understanding, accepting, fighting, acknowledging the fight that life is worth… thank you for the simplistic truth of living a life that is truly felt and experienced to the fullest…… isn’t that why Christ said that he came? that we might have life abundantly. congratulations to you, for not letting go and taking the wild chance at living life abundantly. see, so many have misunderstood abundantly for “easy” or “perfect w/ no hardships”…. thank you for having the grace to find out what “life abundantly” truly is, thank you for your courage… thank you for showing me.
and sometimes you realize just how insignificant your expierences are. and, in the grand scheme of things, how microscopic your life is.they say hindsight is 20/20.
they’re right.
what kind of world do we live in when the most relevant people in our lives are those few souls scattered throughout the land of entertainment who – due to a staff of good writers and producers – actually exude a persona that relates to me?i realized something tonite… with the help of a friend.
its not the trust that i miss (although thats a huge part)… its not the closeness (again – a big part)… its not even the caesar salad…
its the bond. the bond with my family. my mom and dad… my sisters… close friends.
it’s being able to pick their tomatoes cause u know they don’t like em in their salad
its looking at them when they walk in a room and knowing every dertail of how their day went by how they looked at you.
its looking into there eyes and knowing you can see the very depth of who they are… and knowing they see you too.
its knowing that someone, somewhere, in this crazy world actually thinks you’re valuable… and…
it’s belonging in someone’s life so much……… that their life is a mirror of yours even though you’re doing something totally different.
and if they were stuck on a desert island for the rest of their life… and they could only bring one person… maybe… just maybe, they’d pick you.
its knowing that you matter to someone.
FindingTheCourageToDream.com 