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tonight? tonight my heart is full. and tonight i am challenged.
tonight, i am reminded of things bigger than me. of dreams bigger than the life im currently living. tonight i am reminded that its not that we were called to be perfect, but that we were called to trust.
tonight, i am humbled. by the beauty i see in those close to me, and close to my heart.
tonight, i am reminded again, that life isnt meant to be lived with a focus on the now. but that life was meant to be lived looking forward, looking towards something. tonight, i am reminded that the calling we follow isnt to drown in the patterns and responsibilities of our jobs or slowly fade away in the busyness of the now, but to reflect the love of the One who created the very fabric of time.
tonight, i am reminded of hope.
i am reminded that we walk by faith, and not by sight.
so even when i dont see, i will believe.
that i am not alone. that this isnt all there is. that there is more. and that we, you and i, were called to live in the more. that we were called to passionately follow the God of passionate love. that we were called to see the sunrise, feel the warmth of the ocean breeze, stand in awe of the mountains and sit in silence under the desert sky.
that we were called to love, fiercely.
i will believe that there is a great and wonderful and beautiful story being written, that we are IN this story, and that we would see it as it is.
we will see the beauty, the hope, the greatness and wonder of each day, if only we would believe.
one sonic society – burn
i was thinking a few days ago. thinking about worship, and this thing called love. and i began to understand that part of my apprehension with love in general, is the same reason that there are certain things i just wont do in public.
i wont sing.
i can stand up in front of CEO’s, Presidents, VP’s, Directors, etc. and give a presentation. but sing? i wont even do that in the shower.
why?
because when i do something, i like doing it well. very, very well. and if i cannot do it well, then i do not want to try.
thats a dangerous way to live ones life. living that way means never trying something new. it means never experiencing the sheer joy of laughing at yourself. of making a mess as you try a new recipe. of learning to dance, and quickly realizing you have two left feet, all while making your date wish she’d worn steel toed boots.
its a dangerous way to lives ones life because we werent called to perfection, we were called to trust. and its in the simple obedience, it’s in the simple trust that our best, not the best, will be good enough. its in the trust that we can make a fool of ourself on the dance floor, or sing horribly off-key during karaoke, or cause food critics everywhere to cringe with our most recent creation, that we find life, and a life worth living.
we dont raise our children to believe that unless they’re the best, there is no use in trying. when we were growing up, our refrigerators were not covered in works from Picasso, Rembrandt, Degas or Monet. rather, they were covered with a childs expression of joy. finger paints, crayons, markers and probably the occasional spaghetti sauce stain.
to the trained art critic? junk.
to a parent? priceless.
if we held ourselves to such high expectations on the only relationship that truly matters, we would never approach Him. we would never find the grace and help that He promised, if we never step boldly into His presence. we would never know the intimacy in worship, or the real life saving of a real life Saviour. we would never know the creator of our Hearts, as the One who also holds them in His hands.
we would never understand how much He loved us, how much He loves us, if we never allow ourselves to come close.
and if we dont hold ourselves to such a level of perfection with God, why would we hold ourselves to that level of expectation with our friends and family? why would we avoid them if we cannot have our facade just so? why would we put up a front, when these are the very people who care for us? and we care for?
we dont want that. when we come down to the core of what we’re looking for in our relationships, we want to see the real in each other. we want to be us, and we want to see the real person on the other side of the table.
there is a beauty in the mess. there is grace in getting your toes stepped on. there is freedom, in living life the way we were created to live it.
messily.
at times, disastrously.
but all the time, fully.
future of forestry – this hour
This is the life
The life of huge and small
Forces blind or they guide you to shore
You’re alive and you pour your heart like you should
I know you’d step back and see if you could
Don’t whisper, don’t wait
Sing out this hour
Sing out this restless hour
Sing out, sing out, and let it go
Sing on this time
Sing on this lovely time
Sing on, sing on, and let it go
This is the life
Your soul is just what they seek
You feel the clash but you scarcely can see
Love is alive and is pouring down like a flood
I know you’d step back and see if you could
Don’t whisper, don’t wait
It’s your turn, it’s yours now
You are free, to capture your daylight
sometimes, its not the prayers we pray, but the prayers we hope to pray with all we are, that show us where our heart is, and where it is going.
hymn – brooke fraser
If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather
‘Til I only dwell in Thee
If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me
Forfeit glory to come after
‘Til I only dwell in Thee
If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision
‘Til I only dwell in Thee
sometimes the most important thing we can do in life, is the simplest. and sometimes the simplest things, are the hardest
future of forestry – close your eyes
Promise once it shut you out
You ask, “What was that all about now?”
You and I through rise and fall
We’ve seen the horizon through it all now
Close your eyes this time
‘Cause trust is all we have tonight
But trust will be forever
Safe your dreams will be
‘Cause trust will be the light tonight
So close your eyes this time
The house sits stale, it lets you roam
Inside it just don’t feel like home now
I promise hope will pull you out
For that’s what love is all about
Time will turn this place around
For the man you call Jesus was still a Son like you
Sons will spend their days searching hard for the things they are made of
Close your eyes this time
Trust will be the light tonight so close your eyes this time
Trust will be the light tonight so close your eyes
you promised that if we lay aside our life, and follow you, that we would find life. and that this life would be abundant.
you promised that the road wouldn’t be easy, but that you’d never leave us.
you promised that the stories we would write in our lives, would be stories of immense beauty, if only we’d give you the pen.
i struggle with that. with giving up, and letting you have control. i dont like trust. and its not that you’re not trustworthy, because you are. it’s that i’m afraid. afraid that if i let you in, let you see the dreams i hold so tightly to my heart, that they wont come true. and the risk of losing these dreams are almost not worth letting you in.
it’s living without the sun, too afraid to go outside. it’s standing in the eventide field, under the stars, yearning for the daylight and settling for the remnants of a day reflected in the moon. always settling for an imitation, a reflection of the thing that gives life. never throwing open the door, casting ones fears to the wind and running headlong into the beautiful daylight.
you said, that if we delight in you. if we find our pleasure in you, in who you are. in your beauty, your holiness, your plans and dreams, your precepts… if we find our life in you, then you would give us the desires of our heart.
i want you.
the life that you offer. for me. for those i love and care about. i want to be a man who emulates you. i want to be the moon, standing over someone else’s night, reflecting your light, life and love into their fields of darkness. i want to live like you lived. to love like you love.
because you loved first.
one sonic society – the greatness of our God
there are nights when i find it difficult to breathe. when a tightness constricts my chest. nights when i wonder if ive done what i should have. if my past, dictates my future.
nights when i wonder what could have happened. if only id done or not done….
nights when the worries of this world, the storm of voices swirling around my head, voices of accusation, self-doubt, my own fears and concerns, never let up.
there are nights when the questions i never allow myself to verbalize keep me up much later than i sometimes let on.
some time ago, i wrote about (eve), and although at the time i didnt make the post public, i felt i should. why? because so much of what started with that post is still at work within me.
so much of what im going through right now, rediscovering my heart, my passion, what fills me, and makes me alive, started with that post. with realizing that in some respects, if you’re a single male over the age of 18, you’re an (adam).
you’re walking through this life doing your best to become the man you want to be. if you’re lucky, you’ve had men in your life who’ve shown you the ropes, who’ve guided you through the confusing world of women, responsibilities, and what it means to be a man.
if you’re really lucky, you’ve had a man who knew the value of the wilderness. who has fought his own battles and has the scars to prove it. a man who understands what it feels like to be alone, and to strike out on his own. a man who knows what failure feels like, and who knows what its like to pick himself up, and move on.
a man who’s faced his demons, and is the better for it.
a man who may walk, in so many ways, with a limp, but in all purposes of the word, a man.
a man who understands who his God is. who knows intimately what it means to depend on someone greater than him. and by default of his willingness to learn and lean on His great God, a man who knows the value of the woman by His side.
and if you were to ask this woman, if she knew she was loved, there would be no doubt in her eyes as she gave you her answer.
i keep coming back to this, but there is great value in the process. in going through what we’ve been called to go through.
and tonight, that is what i’m going to cling to. i am going to realize that i am really, really lucky. because i have a man i can follow. One who understands the value of the wilderness. One who has faced demons, and bears the scars to prove it. a man who understood feeling alone, and what it means to walk a road no one has walked before. a man who understands our failures more intimately than we do.
a man who in every meaning of the word, is a man
i am going to depend on this Someone greater than me. i am going to rest in the truth that my past does not dictate my future. i am going to trust, that He is greater than anything i will face in this life.
and i’m going to pray the same for you.
Future of Forestry – All I Want
I will go where glory meets the crude and weak
I will go where mercy meets the shame
I will go where strength will find the small and meek
I will go where magic meets mundane
And Youre all I want, Youre all I want
Youre all Ill find
You have my heart forever
You are all that I could need
I will go where grace and healing love restores
I will go where peace and rest is known
I will go where friendship finds my heart in yours
I will go where beauty leads me home
im beginning to believe that our lives are not changed and our stories are not written during the mountaintop experiences of our lives. im beginning to understand that although those experiences at the peak make life wonderful, vibrant and full of color, we cannot live expecting them to be around every corner.
we werent called to stand on the precipice and shout down instructions to those still struggling along the cliffs, but to be there, in the valley, along the crags, with those who are barely hanging on. we are called to be there, not just look there.
i’m realizing that its in those moments when our lives expand, when fresh air fills our lungs, when His presence is most real in us. it’s not when we’re standing at the top, overlooking the beauty of creation, but its when we’re standing in the rain, helping someone to the next foothold, seeing the beauty of the Creator inside of them that we have impact, that our stories matter, that we help others write their stories.
im beginning to think that its in the day-to-day grind, that we have the greatest capacity for greatness. we aren’t called to live our lives on the mountain top looking down. rather, we were called to consistently step outside of our comfort zones, retrace our steps, and help others along the paths that we have walked.
we have all experienced times when we walked through the valley. when the storms raged around us and the wind was so fierce that we struggled to take our next breath. when the pain of our wounds made it almost impossible to raise our head, much less move forward. we have all had times when we could barely see our next step, much less the path before us. we’ve all been there. and it’s when we go back to those places, to the wounds in our lives and tell others our stories, that hope is birthed.
im beginning to learn that the greatness that exists inside of us stems from the quality of the story being told in our lives. and im beginning to understand that our scars are not wounds to be hidden, but medals to be worn. that our redemption, our Redeemer, lives in our stories. in our stories of pain and heartache, of healing and hope. in our stories of failure and struggle, and of finding victory in hearing the stories of those who have gone before.
my life will eventually be summed by the quality of the stories ive lived. and when i leave this life, i want those who gather to remember, to tell those stories. i want to be remembered as one who followed after his God. who loved his wife fiercely, passionately, unconditionally. i want to be remembered as a man who didnt live his life on the mountaintop, rather i want stories told of how my life was impacted, and how i impacted others in the valleys. i want to be remembered as someone who lived a life that pointed not to the beauty of creation, but of the Creator.
One Sonic Society – Burn
Lord, write me into Your great story
Lord, write me into Your great song
take all i have, it’s for Your glory
one day, all else will be gone
one day, all else will be gone
Your name, be glorified
gloried
Your name, be glorified
glorified
i mean that. take what i’ve got, help me to tell the stories i’ve lived, to be real. to be the reflection of you on the side of this mountain. i dont know how to have a great story of my own. so please, write me into Yours.
Lord, prepare me
to be a sanctuary
pure and holy
tried and true
with thanksgiving
i’ll be a living
sanctuary
for You
Sammy Ward – Sanctuary
throughout our lives, we will constantly be faced with choices. with questions demanding answers. situations demanding action. challenges demanding we overcome, or surrender. and not all choices, not all situations, not all intersecting paths on the roads we walk will have a clear right and wrong. we wont always understand why we’re facing the challenge placed before us. we wont always know exactly what to do. or why we have to do it.
sometimes we’re given choices to allow us an opportunity to bless another, sometimes the intersection allows us to challenge and stretch ourselves, to force us out of our comfort zone. and sometimes we’re given choices that set our course, that make us. that close one chapter of our lives and open another. choices that brings questions, that uncover truth. choices that bring hope. choices that write our stories.
a few weeks ago, i stood in a place i’d never been. followed a road id never seen. looking out into a beauty i’d never known. and it was in that moment that i knew the rest of this year would hold choices. opportunities to climb, or stumble. to become a better person, or to fall. choices to judge and belittle, or to love because we were first loved. and in those choices, in choosing to love, we gain an opportunity to uncover what true love actually means. its in those moments, when we chose to love even though it doesnt make sense, even though we may have been wronged, even when we’re not sure why, that our eyes are opened. we begin to realize how much of what we have is a gift; we begin to see those around us as gifts, we begin to see their value. we begin to understand how much each are worth. we see. we understand. or we at least begin to realize how precious they are.
when we begin to see someones real value, we begin to understand why an all powerful and all knowing being, would chose to love them. when we begin to see them, as He sees them, we begin to see real, pure love.
i’m learning that sometimes the bravest thing we can do, is surrender. to take what we’ve been given, and give it away. to take that understanding, that glimmer of truth, and use it. sometimes the bravest thing we can do is tell someone they matter. that they were created with a purpose, with a plan. and that even if they dont see it, that they were created with intention. that there is nothing about their existence that is accidental.
that they are worthy of love. and lovely.
that they are beautiful.
i want eyes like that. eyes that see those around me not as friends and family, coworkers and fellow commuters, but as created beings birthed from a love that we have not yet begun to understand. i want to see the world as He does. because that world is true, it’s more real than anything else you and i will ever experience on earth. it’s beauty, in its rarest form.
and its how i want to see.
it was in that moment, overlooking this field you see above, that i understood i was looking at beauty. that i was challenged. that i was given a choice. challenged in my role. in being a man. in becoming the man, the person, the son, i want to be. i was challenged with what i see. with how i see the world, and those around me.
The kingdom of heaven is like something precious buried in a field, which a man found and hid again; then in his joy he goes and sells all he has and buys that field.
Matthew 13:44
on the roads we walk throughout our lives, we will constantly be faced with choices. we will be asked to do different things in different situations. to play different roles. to love differently, individually. to love as He would love, if He were to have walked that road. sometimes we will be lead to a field, and if we follow, if we chose to walk where He would have us walk, we uncover a treasure of worth beyond words.
i’m sure we would all hope, that in those moments, the treasure we find would be ours to keep. that we would be the one chosen, the one to run and sell all we have to buy the field, to obtain the treasure. but im learning that there will be times when we’re asked to stand as defenders around the field. to protect the treasure, to keep it safe. to shelter and cherish and value it. to keep it secure and far from harm until the one meant to uncover it, is ready to do so.
standing in that field, seeing that treasure, challenged me. made me realize, again, that i have a choice. and if i want to be the man, the person, the son, the husband and father i want to be, then i’ve got a role to play. along the roads im asked to walk, should i uncover a treasure, should i be the one chosen, then i will be overjoyed, i will run and sell all i own to buy this field, to obtain the treasure.
until that time, i will stand guard over this field. i will tell someone they matter. that they were created with a purpose, with a plan. and that even if they dont see it, that they were created with intention. that there is nothing about their existence that is accidental. that their story is worth protecting. that there is tremendous value in the center of who they are, in the center of the story being told through their life. because the story being told in their life, right now, is worth cherishing, is worth the fervor needed to protect the ending. because they, this field, is worth protecting.
because they are worthy of love. and lovely.
because they are beautiful.
caedmon’s call – ten thousand angels
how long you have traveled in darkness weeping
no rest in language, no words to speak
but there in the wreckage beneath bricks and bindings
love has come, love has come for you
against the night sky of your waiting
your face is like starlight when he walks in
everything worth keeping comes through dying
love has come, love has come for you
so lift up your heart now, to this unfolding
all that has been broken will be restored
here runs deep waters for all who are thirsty
love has come, love has come for you
ten thousand angels will light your pathway
until the day breaks fully in the East
they will surround you and make your way straight
love has come, love has come for you
love has come, love has come for you
why is it that i always run?
it’s my coping mechanism. i keep myself as busy as possible to ignore my own pain. and it took this past week for me to actually realize this. that i’m in pain, that i hurt. that there are things inside of me that hurt in ways i didnt know possible. and to avoid the pain, to stay in front of it, i run. i pack my workday with work, my evenings with more work, and when i’m not working im distracting myself with a book, excercise, tv, music or any number of other ‘medications’. anything, as long as it dulled the pain.
i run.
because i didnt want to feel.
this week, forced me to slow down.
in just a few short hours my final day of vacation ends. and to be honest, i dont know what to do. this past week was a waterfall to a parched land. it was life, breathed into me.
this week reminded me of so much. i saw beauty. pure, untouched beauty placed inside of those who call me friend. i saw friendship, in its most amazing state. i saw love. new love between those recently married. and old love, tried by fire but burning brightly between those closer to being grandparents and great-grandparents than newlyweds.
i said hello to new things, and goodbye to the old.
the flashes of brilliant light no longer offered just a peek into the beauty and future of someone i cared for, but a glimpse into my own life. into the promises that have been on hold. the promises i had given up on. the promises of joy, of color, of friendship and beauty, the promises of redemption and of love.
the promises that, if i’m honest, i thought were gone.
but most of all, i saw beauty.
there were moments when all i wanted to do was watch, see how these amazing people lived their lives. stand in awe of the simple fact that they call me friend. i slowed down. and i was caught unaware, by the beauty that was all around me.
the pain came too. it did. and it will continue to do so. but im going to work through that. i’m going to unpack the garage and find my heart again.
because i now know im not alone.
and beyond all the other blessings this week held, knowing that, knowing that i’m not alone, is worth more to me than anything i’ve ever been given.
beth and aaron, jenna and pete, val, robbie, denis, wendy, jen, april – thank you.
Future of Forestry – Slow Your Breath Down
this chest is full of memories
of gold and silver tears
i’ll give you more to own than all of this
and i’ll give you more than years
for you were once a child of innocence
and i see you just the same
your burdens couldnt win or lose a thing
oh i’d tell you once again
but you’re always on the run
slow your breath down
just take it slow
find your heart now, oh
you can trust in love again
slow your breath down
just take it slow
find your smile now, oh
you can trust in love again
if you leave, i’ll still be close to you
when all your fears rain down
i’ll take you back a thousand times again
and i’ll take you as my own
i will sing you songs of innocence
till the light of morning comes
till the rays of golden honey cover you
in the sweetness of the dawn
but you’re always on the run
slow your breath down
just take it slow
find your heart now oh
you can trust in love again
slow your breath down
just take it slow
find your smile now oh
you can trust in love again
you’re not alone
you’re now a part of me
you feel the cure
i feel the toil it brought you
FindingTheCourageToDream.com 