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God bless our crew….
ive been slacking in my quest for 30 days of thankfulness. sorry. tonite will most likely be brief as its late.
tonite, i am thankful for the little things. for walking into my room and finding one of my sisters firmly planted in the middle of the bed. my bed, in my room, watching my tv. during another time and another place, that would have freaked me out entirely. now, its just a good thing.
i am thankful for seeing another sister come home from a long days work looking like the incredibly beautiful young woman she is. seeing the grace and elegance she has. and just knowing that the job she’s currently at isnt all that there is for her. knowing deep inside of you that her future is bright and beautiful and amazing and mind blowing and so much more than she could ever dream. knowing that, and wishing you could show her what you see.
i am thankful for being here. being in texas. for Gods plan. for hot sauce and for milkshakes. im thankful for my little sisters dog. and im thankful for IM convos with the greatest of people at 1am. i am thankful for the little things. i am thankful for the big things.
i am also thankful to be alive.
im slowly realizing that life will always be throwing crap at me. when ive conquered one thing, another will step right in and take its place. i need to stop freaking out whenever another bomb drops. and the past 24 hours have brought two.
but you know what? the sun will still rise tomorrow. people will get up. they will go to work. beyond that, i’m not in london right now. im not in the Florida panhandle. im here… and in my life tomorrow, the Son will rise.
this is our time. oh my freakin i am alive. and i need to start acting like it. no matter what may come my way, my life is in His hands. and Lord, i recomit myself to that, to your purposes and to you even right now. forgive my wanderings and…. do whatever you need to do in me as quickly as it can be done.
todays thankfulness item? a future. i am thankful for my future. for the future of my family. for my sisters, for my mom. assured. guarenteed. Christ signed His name in blood to promise that to me. and i need to start living like i believe it.
the question at hand,
help me understand is this your plan?
i think i can,can i think? then i think i can
because i wont break (nah)
and i wont shake (nah)
with lifted hands to this man (Jah) i stand in faith
ill make it through with my trust in you
close my eyes, make a wish, kiss the sky
cos now i see you
tonite was rough. i thought i had my “thankfulness item” all lined up. but something changed. i could go into more details, but actually i dont want to. all i really want is a cup of coffee. a cup of coffee, a close friend and a good, deep, soul satisfying conversation. we cant always get what we want.
which leads me to what i am thankful for…
the crappy times. or more directly, the things we can learn through them. some things can only be learned through the shi…. um, crap that life throws at us. humility, mercy, true love, compassion… those things we all want and desire to recieve and to give, but the longer im alive the more i realize that those cannot be birthed in us except through fire.
so thank you Lord for the fire. for the changing in me. help me to stay where you want me, just please… dont ever leave.
todays post is probably going to be short. but in that, eternal in what i am thankful for.
grace. i am thankful for grace.
abundant, overwhelming, indescribable, uncontainable, unstoppable, all encompassing, all covering, all wonderful, all as a gift… grace, for me.
Father, thank You for Your grace. for loving me even though sometimes i neither show Your love, or love for You. forgive my weaknesses. and please, help me to fill my atmosphere with praise.
sometimes the things we need to be thankful for are the things we may not have right now. but the things we’ve had. the things we’ve experienced. the things that we may not have access to at this very moment, but none the less, the things that impacted us.
so, for me today… on day 2 of this 30 day journey, i am thankful for fellowhsip.
whoopdeedoo right? you need to realize though. i dont have it right now. not at any discernible level. i dont have a church to call home. or a group of friends here to talk with regarding the issues facing us 20somethings… or heck, even to just hang out.
but ive had those things in the past. ive been a part of, and a lot of times lead, those times of fellowship. ive had a large group of friends, ive had fellowship.
and even though i dont have those things right now…. i know how important they’ve been and are.
so Lord, thank you for fellowship. for friends and times with those who love you. and when im ready Lord, bring that back into my life… please.
sometimes in the midst of the mundane, of the day to day we forget how much we truly have. and sometimes, its during those times that heaven speaks. and we realize things.
things like: your attitude sucks.
and mine has over the past few weeks. ive spent a good portion of my free time stewing over things i wasnt able to do. i was using the term “missing” things, but in all reality, it wasnt truly that. it was more just being slightly miserable.
and as i was washing my car today, that thought came to me. and with it, the desire for change. now, i can tell you right now that this in no way is a sudden 180, oh heck no, im way to cynical for that. but it is a step in the right direction.
today is day 1. day 1 of 30 days. 30 days, 30 posts, 30 things to be thankful for.
thats my goal. who knows, maybe ill start some wacky blog tradition and be a hero. or something. anyway.
#1: i am thankful for my car. yes i know, somewhat shallow. but in all honesty i am very thankful for it. she is still beautiful, drives great and is almost paid off! woohoo! and besides, i was washing my car when this all came to me.
ok, day 1 is done.
now its your turn.
Lord, help me to retrain my eyes to see how much Youve done for me. awaken me again to the beauty of grace, the simplicity of trust and the wonder of You. thank You for You.
hahahahahahaha
God is in control.
and be it in the big or small ways we realize and see that… i think that for this time, this is what i should be learning.
i could post more, but for now, this is enough.
so ive spent the last few months constantly worrying. fretting non-stop that ive made or will make some massive mistake. some end-of-the-world, game over thanks for playing, bang bang your dead mistake.
fear sucks.
i know, deep thoughts for this evening huh? welcome to me drowing in the depth of a parking lot puddle. but thats fear in a nutshel isnt it? a parking lot puddle. dirty. murky. so filthy its almost opaque…. but if you took that step and just put your freakin foot down you’d realize it was only centimeters deep…
and suddenly the parking lot seems a lot less intimidating. suddely, the things you’ve been fearing dont seem as overwhelmingly powerful. suddely you realize how much bigger the God who lives in you is compared to this measly, filthy collection of scum.
you take that step and suddenly your world changes. suddenly your point of view, your perspective changes. and your breath is taken away. and you realize that life may be littered with puddles. some bigger than others… some deeper than others. but thats just it… they’re freakin puddles.
ever see a dedicated runner out when its raining? they’re not dodging puddles. they’re not trying to sidestep the very byproducts of the world existing around them… they have a goal in place. their gate is steady. their eyes are fixed on the prize. now dont misunderstand, they are very aware of their surroundings… but they are focused not on their surroundings, but on where the surroundings point to.
puddles come from rain. and rain, from the rainmaker.
and if there is a rain maker, and if its true He loves me as much as He says He does, and if my steps are as ordered as He promises them to be, and if His plans for me are for good and not evil, for hope, and for an expected end… then who am i to let some dirty puddles stand between me and this rainmaking God?
Lord, you’ve given me these words. these words have not come from me. because right now, i dont feel this way. right now im still afraid. im still afraid of puddles. of messing up. of not measuring up. please help me to realize that your Son did all the measuring up that ill ever need. help me to rest in that…
and run to You.
FindingTheCourageToDream.com 