You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘God’ category.
my dear, ive been standing right here
ever as before
no, i want nothing more than this
stay please, come back to my arms
and rest your weary head
don’t ever leave again
beloved
now playing: to rescue me – the choir
the Israelites journey to their land of promise was full of danger. and im not trying to be dramatic here, but it was. starvation, more powerful and better equipped armies, taking what was probably millions of people through a desert, each one of those could have decimated the nation of israel. but they made it.
and God commanded them to not forget that which they came through. to tell it to their children. to tell their story.
for so long i always thought it was to remember the greatness of the God they served. i’m learning that this may not have been the case. at least, not entirely.
God wanted to remind His children of their story. of where they came from. he wanted to remind them who they were, before.
now that they were free, they would have forgotten that they were captured. now that they had homes, jobs and success, they would have forgotten that they were once broken, lost, homeless…. slaves.
he wanted to remind them of who they were…. so they wouldnt forget His love. how far He went to free them, to provide for them, and to bring them to Himself.
he wanted them to know that their story mattered. not only to them, but to those who would follow.
their story of rescue, redemption, provision, healing…
…..
so now i sit, sipping some tea. the choir playing. and i realize how much like the Israelites i truly am.
its easier for me to pretend that my story isnt what it is. that i didnt need rescuing, that im not still in need of redemption. and that, if left to my own will… i’d end up captive.
my freedom didnt come from me. and as hard as it is to my arrogant, ignorant and blissfully prideful self, its the truth.
my story matters. because it was when i was broken, homeless, captive. a slave. when i was a slave, He came for me.
and when i forget that, when i chose to pretend i didnt need saving… i end up lost.
i realize that a house, success, a job, family, they’re all amazing and wonderful things. but when you lose that view of life, that point of view that comes when one is driven to their knees in need, when you lose that point of view, the value of all those wonderful things fades. we lose what they are truly worth when we lose where we came from.
ive been wrong. i lost that point of view. and somewhere along the lines, i traded trust, for a sense of self capability. ive done my best to convince myself that im ok. that i can handle it. and that im ok doing this alone.
Father, i need to trust you. i know i do. i want my heartbeat to echo yours. i want to be driven to my knees again. i want my heart to break when yours does. i need rescue.
read this.
the value of who we are as a people, as a nation, lies not in our foreign policy, not in our wars, or refusal to enter them, not in the strength or weakness of our dollar. the value of this country does not lie in our tax code, caucuses, or stances on immigration.
the value of who we are as a people, as a country lie in ourselves. in each of us. if we chose to be a people of honor, then our country will be a country of honor. if we chose to be a people of strength, then we will be a strong country. if we chose to be unbending in defense of those less fortunate, then our country will respond to crises – both internally and externally – and defend what is right.
the future of this country does not lie with politicians, or with who the republican nomination goes to. the future of this country will never be decided by those profiled on the 11pm news.
the future of this country is you and i. if we are people of honor, if we stand unwaveringly for what is right, if we defend the defenseless and believe in things like faith, hope and love… then this country will be great… because its people will be great.
the call to greatness lies inside of each of us. its not something we chose to have. its not something that we can simply turn off. it is there. placed in us.
it is our response to that call. to that yearning desire inside our hearts that determine our destiny. it is our response to that call that makes us who we are.
.-.-.-.-.
i honestly didnt plan to write any of the above. it just kind of came out. but it came from my heart.
i know im not great. im no where near great. but i want to be. i hear the calling. the promise of rain heard in the rumble of far off thunder.
david heard the same call. his years spent tending sheep were not punishment. they were not banishment for something he had done. he had not been forgotten. no… this was something more. this was something more because david was called.
the time spent as a shepherd was davids training ground. this was his time to find out what he was made of, to be refined, and to realize the call on his life for greatness.
david listened to the call, embraced the wilderness and the lessons it taught, and in doing so…. changed history. he was what some call one of the greatest kings ever to walk this earth. just, a defender of the weak, righteous… and a friend of God.
i dont know where you find yourself today… but if anything i just wrote echoed inside of your heart, its because you’ve been hearing the call also. i implore you, as i do myself… to heed the call. embrace the wilderness, learn the lessons… change your world.
and find yourself a friend of God.
now playing: firelight – the healing of harms
i wrote the following just a few weeks after my Grandfathers death, and just days before Christmas.
………………………………….
now playing: the best of passion: so far
i watched matrix: revolutions this evening. the first time since i saw it in theaters 4 years ago. and towards the end of the movie… my mind wandered. and i was back in that theater, 4 years ago. with friends. people i love. living life.
and thats what made me realize… how much has changed. how far i am now, from who i was then. and, in some aspects, that nothing has changed at all.and i realized that i run.
i run because im afraid. afraid of not being good enough. i run because somewhere along the way i bought into the lie that if i just worked hard enough, if i just gave enough, if i just never let my guard down… if i was good enough, life would work out.
i still believe that. i know its not true. but its easy.
its far to often that i hide myself away from the quieter moments of life. that i move on to the next thing that just ‘has’ to be done… instead of attending to that voice. that voice that calls me to stop. slow down and listen.
i dont wait any longer. i dont stop. and simply listen. i run. in my own way. i run.
my father, asked me for money. so he could get home for his own fathers funeral.
how do you handle that? how do you handle talking to your father when he asks for that? what are you supposed to do?
ive never felt so incredibly small and alone in my entire life.
you can say what you will about who God is. about His character, and His love and His amazing plans for my life… those 2 minutes on the phone with my father solidified in my mind how incredibly screwed up my future could be.
i want a father. a real father.
someone who would be there when i blow out a tire and nearly get into a car accident. there for questions. there to help with the oil change. just freakin there.
a father is supposed to be the one you call when you need to be bailed out. when you need cash. when you need help or someone to get the mail while your out of state.
im afraid of authority. i am.
im afraid of those in authority. of father-figures. im afraid of God. not in that holy fear that we’re all supposed to have… but im honestly afraid of Him. im afraid of being rejected. so i do the rejecting. im afraid of not being good enough, so i dont slow down long enough to hear anything different.
maybe that sounds stupid to you. but its something i realized a few weeks ago. i have a massive misconception of authority. i dont trust. especially other men. i just dont.
and that spills over into my relationship with my Creator. it does. and it hurts.
i find it much easier to believe the lies i tell myself when i dont slow down. these whitewashed walls look so much nicer when their simply a blur as i pass by them. i dont notice the cracks. i dont notice the paint peeling. and most importantly, i dont allow myself to notice that im the one who painted them so haphazardly.
i know id be further along… more the man i want to be than i am today; if i simply allowed myself to slow down. if i didnt attack my work like it was something to be conquered. if i learned that there is life in the quiet. that there is hope, and rest, and a future to be found.
that there is still a plan for this existence.
………………………………….
honesty always comes with a price. it really doesn’t matter if your simply being honest with yourself, or confessing a wrong to someone you’ve hurt. there is always a price for honesty. sometimes that cost is simply knowing you’ve got to face something ugly.
and whether we realize it or not, those decisions are based on the value of what it costs to be honest. sometimes, we simply conclude its easier to believe a lie or not deal with that issue, and simply hope things go away. it doesnt go away. ever. it simply gets covered over by life.
reading my own words above i know that not everything was ‘correct’. but i couldnt change it. because like it or not, its a part of me. im human, and i wanted to be honest. i cannot promise that everything i write will be right. because it wont. i cannot even promise that i’ll always be honest, because i wont. but i will try.
2008 is here. like it or not, im now 28:-) (yay me!). and there is hope. there will be moments of having to face the ugliness of honesty. but im learning that its in those moments that we find hope. that we find true life, friendship, and reasons for living.
….you will be secure, because there is hope.
–job 11:8
Christmas has come and gone. through it all, i pray that i listened for the silent holiness that this season celebrates. and that the remembrance of the birth of the Christ was not lost on me.
we all have our dreams. our hopes and passion for the future. we all have our ideal that we pursue, even if at times we dont admit it; even to ourselves.
i race through this life too quickly. and i dont take the time to stand in awe and wonder.
even if its just for this moment, tonight… i pray that once again i’m awed by the presence of One who counted me worthy to die for. One who knows my name. One who has seen every tear, heard every silent cry, and seen each dream fade.
One who still has a plan for my life. a hope. a future.
One who still dreams, for me.
(yay snow!)
now playing: pages – shane and shane
if there is one thing i want to carry with me throughout the final days of 2007, one theme that above all guides my heart, and what keeps my heart soft…. i hope and pray that it is the simple truth that we all have so much to be thankful for.
that i have so much, to be thankful for.
someday, be it Gods will, id like to spend this season being thankful with someone. but thats in Gods hands. right now, for this time, i’m choosing to simply be thankful. im choosing to be caught up in the wonder of all that Christmas is. the glorious song of old and the joy that it represents.
there are so many things i could blog about. so many issues, concerns that are pressing on my heart. but not now. not at this moment.
i dont stop often enough and simply give thanks. for life. for being alive. for family and friends that i love so dearly. for a job and a car and for not being rear-ended earlier this week. ‘thank you’ seems paltry in comparison to what ive been given. compared to grace. mercy. hope. love.
i truly have so much to be thankful for.
now playing: mutemath – stall out, demon hunter – lead me home, lifehouse – broken
roles confuse me. they do.
maybe not roles in general. but more so, my role; my role confuses me. i dont know who im supposed to be. and at times, that can be the most disheartening thing to face.
the word ‘responsiblity’ has been on my mind a lot recently. i’ve been trying to figure out my responsibilities about a lot of different situations. trying to figure out where responsibility and life intermingle, and where responsibility ends, and real life begins.
because right now, responsibility does not = life. at least, not right now.
not when your dad has lost his job, again. and doesnt have the money to buy gas to come see you at starbucks. not when he wants you, needs you to teach him to use a computer because he cant (or wont) find work in the areas that he is skilled in. not when you realize he’s little more than 5 years from retirement age (65). and you honestly start asking yourself if you could live your life knowing your father wound up homeless.
where does responsiblity start? and where does it end? at what point did i become the father. and he the son?
someone once said that the desire for companionship, for finding that one you were designed to be with, for finding one of the largest parts of a life worth living… was only a human desire.
sir, i respectfully disagree.
why? because. i exist. because even in the midst of my parents marriage disintegrating, in the midst of my life falling apart in so many ways. i exist.
and im still here.
good can, and does come from the worst of circumstances. and im living proof of it.
i dont have all the answers. and sometimes, the questions seen overwhelming. and you know what? sometimes i catch my own reflection, and i can see the questions. the questioning. staring at me. staring me down. running and ruining so much of my life.
here i stand. and to be honest, even with all this… i have so much to be thankful for. i have friends all over the nation. i have a family i love. a job that loves me. and a savior who is patient.
so despite my doubts, and fears, and obvious inability to figure this life out. i’m going to continue my search. my search for hope. my search for purpose. my search for a life worth living. it may not come the way i expect it. there may be pain, but there will be home. there will be joy. there will be love.
and i will live this life.
now playing: iona – woven cord
maybe it’s because the holidays are right around the corner. maybe its not. all i know is that for some time now, there has been a part of me that hasn’t been fully satisfied.
i know there are times when life… takes turns outside of where we thought we’d be. where we wake up one day, and its just… not. not the way it was supposed to be. and in some respects, its times like those that ask us to stay single. we’ve got too much other stuff to focus on to worry about finding that special someone.
ive been wondering if there is a time when that fades away. and life turns again… and each time we journey into the sea we know so well, our hearts hear a whisper. a call. and our desire to venture into waters we do not know, grows.
it sounds really really cheap to say ‘pj’s on the market’. and honestly, thats not what im saying. but i’d be lying if i said i hadnt been thinking about it.
now, before you starting thinking of people, dont – because i dont even have anyone in mind. just more of a desire.
an awakening desire to surprise someone with flowers. someone to make coffee for. someone to stand next to as 2007 draws to a close.
there is more. i keep hearing that. there is more than the small part of the world i call home. more of the sea than has yet to be seen. there is more to this life. more to be lived. just beyond these shores.
(now playing: beautiful people – jason upton)
there are times in our lives when words simply fail to express where we are at.
6 years ago this evening, i received a phone call. i was in the middle of soundcheck for a CD release party. that call informed me that my dad had left my mom.
and in all honesty, life became unhinged.
i dont bring that up for pity. because i dont want it. i bring it up to remind myself of where i’ve come from. of what life was like. and how precious the people in my life are.
i bring it up to remind us
if you’re parents are still happily together, thank them. if you’ve found the one you’ve been looking for, then make sure they know it. tonight.
if you’ve got friends like wendy, kate, april, ash and jenna; who will ask the sometimes hard questions, then make sure they know how thankful you are for them.
and if you believe in a Holy God whos heart broke when your world fell apart… then make sure you tell Him you love Him.
FindingTheCourageToDream.com 