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i need an apartment.
in about 10 days
any ideas?
email me
if we’re lucky… we spend 80 years or so on this rock we call earth.
most of us breeze through it making the most of the oppurtunities and shying away from all that makes us uncomfortable… or brings us pain.
the few who chose to not run when the fire burns away all they know…
are the ones, who – when you look into their eyes.. you know they’ve looked defeat in the face, and they didnt look away.
they are the ones who are scarred. but they are no longer scared.
they have felt pain – but they’ve learned to not back down.
they know what the enemy can bring… because they’ve fought… and in the end – they’ve won.
someday soon… when you look into my eyes… i hope you see that.
i hope you see someone who looks beyond the present.
someone who can see beyond the whirlwind that surrounds us into the things that lay ahead
my life may not reflect anything right now. but im learning that our lives aren’t valued by the sum total of its parts.
——————-
snippets from the life i think im living.
im gonna post this now, but ill probably finish it before the nite is over
til then…
-as promised… ive returned. if only to say goodnite.
sleep well
and adieu
is there some mythical connection between certain bloggers?
take -for instance- valmarie and i.
we both havent posted in a few days and we both felt guilty about it.
weird.
weird. i have nominated it for the word of the day.
definetly fits.
so much has happend in the past 3 days.
so much.
take this blindfold off of me
im walking but i can not see…
mysteries fly at my feet
the answers come with no relief
and i, keep walking down that road.
delirious. blindfold.
life has changed. im trying to adapt with it.
so yes – as this post draws to a close i do realize it wasnt one of my longer ones. in fact, probably very short.
as my final note.
watching a friend of mine earlier this week… i was reminded of something im constantly learning and re-learning.
cherrish every moment you get with your family. because time with them can be short. very short.
until next time
i am pj (pip)
and this…
is the life i think im living
-adieu
relevant magazine
article
read it
as an addendum to my most recent post:
i dont think it was nearly as sarcastic as i thought it was going to be.
less sarcasam. a lot less.
and more simple honesty. a lot more.
anywho…
warning: this post may contain high levels of sarcasam. only for external use. call a doctor or poison control center immediately if ingested
its official.
the new closing date on the house is somewhere around the 27 of this month.
2 weeks 2 days.
im supposed to “aim for this date and if it doesnt work, then we can tell them to move it back“.
this will “save mom and dad tons of money”
but “no pressure”
no freakin pressure my butt.
another conversation with my dad that left me completely and totally frustrated and furious. he tried calling the house twice afterwards… ive ignored the phone ringing both times and turned my cell off.
greedy as it may sound – he has absolutely no clue what its like going through all this.
and the question of the moment:
where the heck is God in all of this?
ive done everything i know to do. looked for a job everywhere i know to look. cut back on expenses in every way possible. now where the heck is He? how much more will be demanded before He decides to get off His butt and do something? huh?
well – quite frankly – im sick of it. and im Calling Him on it. Show Yourself. Be who You say you are. You say my needs are met – so… whats taken so long? You say ill never lack any good thing – well, i need a new home. Be who you’re supposed to be… or get outta my life
sometimes, the life i think im living sucks
justification. the word that seems to encompass my thoughts for the past few days
justification: the word for today
websters says:
1 a : to prove or show to be just, right, or reasonable b (1) : to show to have had a sufficient legal reason (2) : to qualify oneself…
the more you go through the fire this life throws at you; if you’re willing, the more you learn about yourself. the more your own eyes open up to the fraility and ‘patheticism’ of the life you think your living. fire – as it flows through your life – has a tendency to strip away all the preconcieved notions you have about yourself. fire destroys all that isnt 100% real in your life. and what you’re left with is a pile of ashes, and hopefully… inside the charred remains of who you are… tested, tried and strengthened by fire lies the life that you will be living. the ‘new you’. fire will come. we have no choice about that. our choice lies in our response…
so i say all that to simply state that ive realized that ive lived a lot of my life trying to justify my existence on this planet. trying to justify the fact that im wearing skin. i could justify my life through my work. i was good @ what i did. and i did it with everything i had. now? im laid off.
i could justify my life through my ‘on air’ times at the station. now? i haven’t 3 hours time on the air in months.
i could justify my life through the ministries i was a major part of. now? ive definetly learned im replaceable.
what makes me worth the skin im wearing? the air im breathing? the space i take up on this world?
its not my job
its not the radio
its not the ministry
everything i ever valued about myself is slowly being torn away. im finding out that maybe im not supposed to take my worth or value from those things. what am i supposed to take stock in? im not sure. i may not be learning everything i could be, but im trying.
until the next installment of this life i think im leaving
-nite
breaking news for tonite:
blog has finally decided to plant a working cookie on my computer.
do you have any idea how annoying it is to have to log in every time you blog?
anyway… enough ranting
today consisted of
1 part starbucks
1 part moving stuff
1 part moving more stuff
3 parts chucky cheeses
3000 parts lil kids
2 parts headache
3 parts advil
2 parts John Q
1 part mac-n-cheese
2 parts big wind storm
1 part fun nite at my house
intersperse throught the mix generous amounts of a special friend
and over all…it was a good day
however, the weatherman said that it dropped 25 degrees in 10 minutes earlier this evening. sniff sniff.
moving on
thought for the nite-
good things aren’t always God things.
more later
but my hearts cry, especially to special friends… is to have a God thing. not a good thing
until the next installment of this life i think im living
today absolutely rocked
-nite all
never stop learning. seems to be my theme for today.
what have i learned today? i learned that the world isnt always as big as it seems. ive learned that, sometimes… during the worst times of tragedy, the best in people shines through.
and ive learned that the world is sometimes a lot bigger than we think it is.
perspective. im begining to think that a lot of what we learn, and a good portion of what we dont has more to do with our perspective on life than almost any other variable.
some of you may have heard that ABC has offered David Letterman (the late show on CBS) a $31 million dollar a year contract to switch broadcasting stations. ABC wants to buy out the “late show”. whats wrong with that? nothing really. its business. but then i switched over to Nightline – the show David would be replacing on ABC.
nightline was the first of the evening news shows. dateline, 20/20, etc all followed Nightlines example. im not one to normally watch Nightline, but as i switch from NBC and Leno chit chatting about the proposed switch… i catch a glimpse of what Nightline is focusing on. a story that impacted every aspect of who we as Americans thought we were. what was the story about?
9/11
one of the reporters caught up with a professional photographer who has been at Ground Zero since day one. it was His story. he was granted a ‘mayoral photographer’ pass. which was technicaly, a Police pass to anywhere on Ground zero. some of His photos were breathtaking… and the stories he had? humbling, to say the least.
have we as a nation moved beyond the images of 9/11? i hope and pray that the images we saw that day, will forever be engrained into the very fiber of this nation. not only for the lives lost, but because of the results of that fate filled day. America – came together.
a generation without a cause, now had passion.
have i, as a human being – gotten so caught up in the troubles and trials in my life that ive forgotten how big this world really is? that the planets dont revolve around me? my life, in all its grandeur, is simply insignificant when view with the light of this nation.
perspective?
ill give you perspective.
perspective is knownig that your problems arent so bad.
perspective is knowing that you werent in 9.11
perspective, is realizing that you were lucky. –the photographer talked about a moment at Ground Zero when a hush fell over the entire complex. workers digging in the South Tower uncovered some human remains inside a crushed elevator shaft that had been burried under tons of rubble and debris. but the elevator shaft wasnt from the South Tower. it was from the North Tower. the elevator shaft – and the men inside – flew more than 100 Yards through the air before they landed… and was burried.
how anyone can live without God in times like these? i will never understand.
perspective is knowing that you’re not the one in control.
wisdom, is being ok with that.
i feel i have a pretty good perspective for this time in my life. the wisdom thing, im still working on.
i may make mistakes. i may fall. i may fall often. but i know where im going to land when i fall….
….in those same Arms that carried the wounded home on 9/11.
in those Arms that bled and died on a cross…. so that i wouldnt have too
in those Arms that know how much i can handle, and will never give me more than that.
im learning, that this world is so much bigger than i am. and im learning… that the impact i leave, will be so much bigger than i will ever be.
until the next installment of this life i think im living…
nite
my phone decided to have a rather abrupt meeting with my floor today. you’ll find out why later on.
the end result is that the remains of my phone are now inhabiting a new spacious quarters… my garbage can.
absolutely nothing to say to you tonite. however, i was so bored @ my part time job that i actually blogged from a computer without internet access. i just whipped open word pad and printed when i was done… so yeah. here ya go
so i find myself at work. or rather… i sit on my (finely tuned) butt for 5 hours, preform maybe a half hour of actual physical work and im bored outta my mind the rest of the time.
its not bad, but i could never do this forever. id go crazy. can you tell? i mean, im sitting here posting to my blog using windows word pad on a computer WITHOUT internet access. how pathetic is that? i NEED human interaction. gimme a place with people. someone to talk to… something… geez
anyway. recieved yet another “Wonderful” phone call from my dad. it seems the nice people buying our house want to push the closing date up. if they had it their way, it would be 2 weeks from now. we’ve been able to knock it back another week from that. but dads basically telling me he wants me out within 3 weeks. it’ll save him a $700 mortgage payment. and yeah…make me homeless?
ive got a chance to say ‘no’ to the push up if i cant do it. ive gotta tell dad by monday if i think i need the extra time. no pressure tho, right?
brb.
back. an hour or so later. ive decided that the station needs some definite items to improve its ability to keep me awake. first off, a ps2. secondly, INTERNET ACCESS. and finally, a small weight room or excercise machine or another comparable device… somethin:-)
ive had fun playing with the multi-effects proccessor. (for those of you not so techincally minded – its a cool lil tool that can do everything from simply adding an echo to your voice, to make it sound like your underwater… and if i wanted it too, i could sound like Zorg from Toy Story 2):-) fun stuff!
im gonna wrap this -less than impressive – run through of my nites events witha very simple thought
what you want – may never matter to anyone in this life but yourself. but never give up on your dreams. life without dreams – we have nothing to live for.
live beyond yourself, continually press on into more and more. dont quit
and never… ever… give up on your dreams
until the next installment of this life i think im living
have a wonderful nite
FindingTheCourageToDream.com 